Muffin tops are created when an excess of fat (in slight or large sum) gets propped up by pants and/or pressed down by tight shirts. As such, the muffin top is an aesthetic choice, not a physical condition, leaving it as much open to ridicule as stirrup pants, stonewash and any other fashion trend that was attractive in 199never.

For those who don’t already know about muffin tops (aka: “mushroom clouds” or “love handles”), please see Exhibits A & B: both girls have shelved back-waist fat solely as a result of wearing ill-fitting apparel. For more pictures, see Muffin Huntin' (not nearly as good as Mullets Galore, but it’s a start).

Now for those of you who might secretly be culprits or want to forward this to a friend, coworker or acquaintance who you’re hoping can take a passive-aggressive hint, our quick-fix suggestions:

GENERAL RULE

If you are older than 21, quit trying to buy the cheapie low-rise jeans from the Juniors section. If you won't spring for designer, spring for the Misses department where pants are made specifically for females who have hit puberty. The Glo dots and Mudd prints aren't fooling anyone, so move on. Same goes for trying to buy small bikini-cut underwear.

MISCELLANEOUS TIPS

• High-waist pants
• Long tops (think carefully: when was the last time you saw someone who looked good in a crop top?)
• Tunic sweaters
• Blazers
• Boy-cut underwear
• Boot-cut sweatpants with elastic waist (one size up)
• Belts that don't cinch (velcro fasteners = magic)
• Double-layered tank tops (the first to redistribute the lovehandle, the second to redistribute the first tank top)
• Boho tops (they aren't flattering, but people will never know whether it's muffin or maternity)
• Halter or maxi dress in pretty much any material but jersey (despite its emo appeal, jersey hugs every ripple on your body)
• One-piece swimsuit
• Empty pockets (leaves your lower half room to move)
• Giant handbags (drops low enough to cover at least one half of a top)

Final Note: There are no tips for men on here because if you’re a male wearing jeans so small that they create a muffin, you should either be hitting the gym or men’s clothing department.