The Basics

When you make a fist, make sure you keep your thumb on the outside, unless you like broken thumbs. When you swing, use your whole torso. Why? Simple: your arms aren’t that strong, Conan—the momentum comes from your shoulders and torso, not your biceps. Finally, aim at a point behind your target to ensure you follow through.

The Targets

Punching towards someone’s face with a closed fist is risky business. A full-on shot to the forehead may give the other guy a headache, but you’re probably going to have broken knuckles. The heel of the hand will smash a nose or knock out teeth just as well, and it doesn’t break easily. And if you’re worried about driving the other fellow’s nose-bone into his brain? Pure Hollywood.

Most of the spots on the body that will really flatten someone are along their vertical axis—groin, sternum (you can kill someone if the xiphoid process snaps off and punctures the pericardium), mouth, nose, eyes. Below the sternum or rib-cage can take someone’s breath away. The kidneys, located slightly posterior of a line drawn from shoulder to shoulder and towards the bottom of your rib cage are also nasty.

For more momentum, the poor-man’s brass knuckles—a roll of dimes—can be held in your fist. It’ll cut down on broken fingers and wrists and increases the amount of energy transferred from your hand into his face. You can break someone’s jaw this way, so: fair warning has been issued.

If you’re not a boxer, don’t even think that you can fight like one. Keep your balance, quit going for the knock-out punch, use your forehead, elbows, knees and feet, stay off of the ground, and remember: a good swift kick to the nuts is winning, not cheating.